Getting to Know Me

In all of us there is a deep desire to be ultimately, truly happy.  It’s interesting that none of us find that holy grail consistently.  The reason?  Life requires dark to be able to recognize light.

This yin/yang principle eluded me for years.  I lived in a “To me” state (to borrow a phrase from Kyle Cease).  I was a victim, working with a map that I’d drawn when I was only 12 years old.  I was unhappily married and frustrated.

Raised as a devout Christian, and wanting to be an evangalist when I grew up someday, I found myself lonely and sad, and very very confused after 8 years of marriage.

I began studying spirituality and personal development in earnest at around age 27, and got divorced after 10 years at 30.  I desperately wanted to be happy, to find my place in this world, to be loved.

I spent the next decade living out loud with the volume knob on 11.  I began smoking, drinking, chasing women, indulging in what I called ‘my dark side’.  I had transitioned from the “To me” state to a “By me” state.  By God I was going to live life on my terms, DAMNIT!

Think that made me happy?  Sometimes, but not ultimately.  I’ve had some great times, with great people, but true happiness can only come when you truly love yourself, and I wasn’t there yet.

I’ve read “The Secret”, listened to Abraham Hicks, studied the bible, Buddhism, Wayne Dyer, Tony Robbins, Deepak Chopra, you name it.  I never made it past the “By Me” phase until last year.

The realization came slowly, that I’m part of a huge living entity, this planet, all of us, pure love.  Suddenly I realized that I could be happy and at peace in almost all things, but only if I transitioned out of my head and into my heart.  This is a “Through Me” state of being.

But I already have a plan, I’m waiting for my real life to begin.
Colin Hay

Life is about change – the inevitability of it forces all of us to figure out who we are and where we’re going.  For those of us who are awake, living in the realization that this IS real life and not a dress rehearsal, we choose how we respond to change, and in some cases, how we create change for our betterment.

Then along came COVID.

I was scared when I first learned about a pandemic called “Covid 19”.  I was in Ireland when they started shutting down flights, and I was worried about getting back home to Texas.

In my standard way of analyzing things, I went about trying to learn as much as I could about the disease.  In March, of 2020 I caught it.  Holy toledo I was sick.  I felt like an alien had taken over my body and slept for days and days (went to the ER twice, but only partly due to Covid, the rest of it was caused by the sudden stopping of my regular daily drinking habit).

In any case, the more I learned about the disease and what was going on in the world the more I realized something wasn’t adding up.  Science always adds up as soon as you have enough data, but the mandates and news didn’t match the science.  I was completely confused.

As I went further and further down the rabbit hole I realized that this entire pandemic was actually planned.  It was a man-made virus – regardless of how it was released into the wild, and the actions taken in response to the virus (the lockdowns, the mandates, the censorship, the fake news) were NOT about the virus.

These governmental, political, media, and big tech entities were USING the virus as an excuse to do two things:

  1. Make tons of money
  2. Gain more power and install / further their agenda of tyrannical control

After realizing this I finally quit drinking, and decided to dedicate my life once again to God.  What’s weird about this transition is how I now view this time in my life as a second chance.  I’m fortunate to have learned from the first part of my life, and I’m so grateful for the experiences that brought me here, to you.

I felt the calling to be authentic, and to share truth and the love of God with others

Authentically in love with Jesus.  Such a wonderful place to live.

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